It started that particular day with a dirty slap; all because his dinner was not ready when he returned from work.
Ann, tried to explain to Damien that she also had a bad day at work, coupled with the fact that their 18-month-old daughter developed a fever at the creche, and she had to stop over at the hospital to see the pediatrician before going home.
All her explanations fell on his deaf ear; he was too angry to listen. He slapped her several times and barked at her. To top it up, he stormed out of the house and didn’t return until the wee hours of the following morning.
“What pained me most was the fact that he didn’t eventually eat the food,” Ann told her childhood friend, Adesuwa.
Adesuwa’s worries, however, transcend the food Damien did not eat, and she raised her concerns with Ann. “I am really worried about you, ” she said. “Don’t you think Damien will one day go beyond the slap and begin to beat you up? Can you stand it when he begins to do so?” she asked her friend.
Ann replied; “I should have called to tell him dinner might be a little late or better still get some take-out food on my way home, he probably had a terrible day at work and that could be the reason he was upset, I am sure he would apologize once he is calm”.
Adesuwa was not satisfied with her friend’s excuse but there’s little or nothing she could do. Excuses…. And trying to patch things up. That’s one of the major patterns in most cases of domestic violence; especially where it affects women.
Don’t get me wrong; obviously, some men are also in abusive relationships and marriages, but women’s remains rampant. Domestic violence against men is a topic for another day.
Ann, however, could be said to be lucky because her husband has not graduated to beating her up and even inflicting bodily harm on her. Some women are not so lucky.
Tade lost her left eye to domestic violence while other women have sustained worst physical injuries and worst still psychological and mental torture.
In fact, our nation, Nigeria, woke up in the new year to the rude shock of a man who murdered his wife and eventually took his own life somewhere in Ogun State. This sad tale was all over social media. He killed the beautiful woman as a result of jealousy and insecurity.
One often wonders what triggers men who beat up their wives. Is it that they cannot control their anger, furry or fist?. Sincerely, domestic violence transcends the fist and fury, it is deeply rooted in jealousy, low self esteem, inferiority complex, cultural beliefs, the environment and the right to control the woman among other things.
Are these signs difficult for these women to see? No! Just like Ann, most women in this situation stay on because they feel they can change the man through love, care and submissiveness.
You won’t believe that some women also do not see the situation as unhealthy, because they also grew up in an environment where domestic violence is a norm, and even when they dare to complain they are restricted by family and cultural expectations.
Others have become so damaged psychologically, and their self worth has become zero and they chose to stay on because they are of the option that they are no longer worth anything.
” I cannot leave my children” another common cliche; what now happens to the children when the woman is “mistakenly killed?”
Religion and culture are other restraining factors. Why don’t they leave is the question many people ask, it is important to know that leaving or escaping from domestic violence is not easy. It is very important, however, for the abused to know that she deserves to live free of fear.
Once you realize the danger in your marriage or relationship, the first step is to seek help and speak out. There is nothing to be ashamed of, as you are not the first and only woman going through this situation.
The people urging you to stay on and endure are not the one in the relationship. There is a limit to endurance and what A can take, B might not be able to take. You are your own master and you know when you have exhausted your endurance level. Seek help from appropriate quarters and leave to live.
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