Last week, we spoke about bedroom diplomacy, how a soft touch, the right mood, and holy seduction can work wonders in marriage. This week? Let’s enter another sacred territory: the kitchen.
Because when a man’s stomach is on strike, even the most romantic kiss can taste like bitter leaf.
They say, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” At first, I used to roll my eyes at this cliché. But after almost 22 years of marriage, I now know it’s not just a saying; it’s a survival strategy. Sometimes, a steaming pot of jollof can say “I’m sorry” louder than 1,000 WhatsApp messages.
You see, marriage isn’t built on love alone. It’s built on sense, spice, and the ability to chop onions without crying. Ask around, especially in Ìbàdàn or Ilorin, some homes are still standing today because the woman knows how to serve correct egusi and keep quiet when necessary.
One day, I was quietly seated in a corner during a small house gathering when I overheard Jumoke’s husband talking in a group of friends. They were all discussing how they manage tension at home, and then he said something that caught my full attention.
He said, “Me, once I’m upset with my wife, she already knows what to do. She won’t argue or drag the matter. She just enters the kitchen and starts pounding yam. The moment I hear that sound gbam! gbam! gbam!—something in my chest starts to melt. I’ll just calm down. Before the food even lands on the table, I’ve already forgiven her.”
I almost burst out laughing, but I kept quiet and took mental notes.
That wasn’t just pounded yam; that was wisdom in action. Since that day, I told myself, “Oreoluwa, you’d better go and buy mortar and pestle. This is not ordinary food; this is a peacekeeping strategy.”
Let’s be honest: there are two ministries every wise wife must take seriously — the bedroom and the kitchen. If you can hold both remote controls, even your village people will respect your union.
But don’t panic. Cooking isn’t about knowing 50 recipes or turning your kitchen into a five-star restaurant. It’s about effort and intention. If you can boil water, you can learn how to turn it into stew. Don’t let “I no sabi” rob your marriage of joy.
There are beautiful African cookbooks that can help. One of my favourites is The Efik Cookbook by Effiong Edet, packed with authentic Nigerian recipes from soups to small chops. It’s simple, rich, and speaks our local kitchen language.
There’s a reason our Yorùbá mothers would say, “a wife who doesn’t know how to cook will feed her husband to another woman”. Sharp, but true.
And as the French say, “L’amour passe par la cuisine.” (Love passes through the kitchen.)
Even the French don’t joke with food. A well-fed lover is a loyal lover.
Now, let me tell you what no one else will: Men don’t always know how to say it, but food speaks to their emotions. That sweet stew you served him on Tuesday? It’s still echoing in his soul by Saturday. That new recipe you tried, even if it wasn’t perfect? It’s stored in his memory like a good highlife song.
You don’t need to be a chef to impress your man. Just cook with love. Sprinkle patience. Serve with warmth. Let the aroma of your effort become the perfume of your home.
So dear sister, next time you’re tempted to argue, pause… and stir the pot first. Let the food do some talking before your mouth joins the choir.
And to our brothers, we’re not saying marry only because of food. But please, appreciate your wife’s effort. Wash one plate. Praise her. Say, “This soup tastes like Lagos party jollof!” Small compliments go a long way.
In the end, it’s not just about the food. It’s about building a home where both hearts and stomachs are full. Because when the kitchen and bedroom are both in harmony, marriage becomes not just bearable but beautiful.
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