For men and women, marriage shouldn’t be garbage-in and garbage -out thing. No one should look at or take marriage as a trial by error thing.
From time immemorial, marriage is viewed as a forever thing, and the vows exchanged by all religion says it’s for better for worse, in sickness and in health; with ’till death do us part’ to close it up.
Be that as it may, in this modern day where the ‘I love you’ leverage has been given, unlike in the days of arranged marriage, it is very correct ( my opinion though) to say love is sometimes not enough. Both parties have a lot to take into consideration before the ‘I do’ comes in.
These considerations are not static, they are dynamic because what A can overlook could be unbearable for B. The fact remains that we would only be fooling ourselves if we say the place of money and provision, especially from the husband can be overlooked in marriage.
Some say love is blind, believe me, love isn’t blind, lovers are. It’s essential that lovers check their vision and not go into marriage or a relationship blindfolded. Know and set boundaries before saying ‘I do.’
Jeremy and Oja met in the church, they were both workers in the same department. When they met, Oja was a 200 level nursing student at the University while Jeremy was a National Diploma 2 music student in a Polytechnic. They started dating, and in all fairness maintained the strictly no sex till marriage standard because of their religious conviction.
Obviously, Jeremy finished his ND before Oja finished from the University and went for the National Youth Service. The plan was for him to proceed to the Higher National Diploma immediately, unfortunately, he lost his father and he had to work to help his mother with his younger siblings, which meant he couldn’t further his education.
From the outset of their relationship, Oja’s father didn’t give his consent. He always said he wouldn’t invest so much in his daughter to marry her off to a man who isn’t capable of taking care of him at old age. Oja’s father took care of his children alone; all four girls after his wife left, when his girls were still very little.
He refused to remarry despite advice from family and friends and he never minced words to say that his girls are his investment. To cut the long story short, despite all odds the lovers decided to go ahead with their wedding even without Oja’s father’s blessings.
Every one who could mediate and plead on their behalf did but her father refused to give his blessing. Because of this they could only have a court wedding they couldn’t have their traditional marriage rites.
As luck would have it, Oja secured a good federal government job after their marriage and Jeremy continued with what he knows best to do; entertainment and making music at parties. Obviously, Oja was making more money than her husband and that was the beginning of their problems.
As a healthy couple, their second child came two years after the first. As stated above, the couple had started to have issues, especially concerning money and finance in the house. It was so bad that even Oja’s siblings came around to their home to insult Jeremy and call him a pauper.
It became worse when her mother -in -law came to help out when she delivered. Oja was ordering her around and insulting her like she does to Jeremy. Jeremy had been reduced to wife while Oja took the position of the husband just because she’s the sole provider. Jeremy’s mother noticed all these but she kept her cool because she doesn’t want to do anything that would distabize her son’s home.
The situation became so bad that even when they were outside their home or had visitors, Oja didn’t know when to stop she treated her husband like a house boy and was ably supported by her siblings. She would also use unprintable words on him and his mother.
It became so bad that some of their mutual friends kept telling Oja to stop treating her husband that way. After all, it wasn’t that he doesn’t contribute to the house keeping at all but Oja was doing more.
The last straw came when Oja started maltreating her mother -in -law terribly and calling her names too. Jeremy couldn’t stand it again at a point. Oja’s siblings including her father came to beat Jeremy up and sent him and his mother out of the house because Oja paid the house rent. They accused him of living off their sister. Both mother and son were sent packing on a cold rainy day.
Jeremy was lucky to be taken in by a friend he had helped years back and before long this same friend helped him to relocate to the United Kingdom where he found his feet with the help of some of his other friends.
He was lucky and after about six months, he started sending money home to his wife and children but his wife refused to take it or have any thing to do with him. She deprived him access to his children.
Oja later initiated a divorce on ground of years of separation, she changed the children’s school and closed all communication with Jeremy. Jeremy wouldn’t stop telling all who cared to listen that he is huzzling because of his children but their mother has refused him access to them.
Hmmm my gender,my gender…..I am one who is passionate about my gender but this scenario is not the best. Let’s call a spade a spade! This is unfair. There are a lot of absentee fathers out there who are just not bothered about their children, yet when they return from their away match, the woman who suffered to train the children would be asked to forgive and forget all because of the children.
A fact remains, my children will always look for their father and they are the ones who will plead with their mother to forgive their father most of the time. A woman like Oja has a man who wants to be part of his childrens life but she’s chasing him away, all because she felt she’s better than him.
Was she blindfolded when she insisted on marrying him. From the outset, the disparity in their educational level cannot be bridged except Jeremy had the opportunity to go back to school. She was aware of these. Did she expect him to steal to take care of her and the children.
Another issue is the emotional, psychological and financial deprivation she’s making the children go through. I wonder what her explanations would be whenever the children ask about their dad. Or is it that Oja doesn’t have a mind of her own? Did she not think of the pros and cons before saying ‘I do’?
My gender, like I stated above, love isn’t enough in some cases and love definitely can’t conquer all. Above all, love is not blind, lovers are blind. Think twice and look deep before you leap. Don’t use your kids as a bait and never leave them at the receiving end
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