“I have tried his line several times, I cannot locate him, he’s nowhere to be found. He left home this morning for the office at 7am, and that is all I know. It’s his usual practice, and I am used to it. I wouldn’t be bothered about his whereabouts if not for Juniors health.
The poor boy is sick, I have taken him to the hospital and the doctor asked me to call his father, but I can’t simply locate him”.
Those were Tara’s words to her mother-in-law. The time was 11.30pm. Her son, Junior took ill at about 4pm, she did all she could by taking him to the hospital, the boy was placed on admission and the doctor asked to see his father, not for the bills as she had settled the bills, but the doctor simply refused to tell Tara.
Tara was handicapped; she was forced to call her mother-in-law. This week is not the first time Yomi will bail off like that. He is the type of father whose children never get to see. Before they woke up in the morning, he was gone and by the time he came home; on the days he decided to come at all, they were fast asleep. On this particular day, his attention was urgently needed; he was nowhere to be found.
Whether she liked it or not Tara had to face whatever difficulty it was alone. At this moment, she’s nothing, but a single married woman.
Kanmi and Bose’s case is different; thank God, Kanmi is the very homely type of husband.
and father. Anytime you go to their house, he’s either in the kitchen cooking the family meals or ironing the clothes, straightening up this and that. Kanmi does all the domestic chores in the house while Bose sits back and watches the TV or sometimes, she sits and gists with her man.
Her attitude and the role reversal has caused serious quarrels between Kanmi’s mother and Bose several times but she just wouldn’t change, and you know the normal African conclusion; maybe, she has jazzed Kanmi; that’s, Bose is diabolical.
The case simply isn’t so. Bose is a spoilt child. An only child of a mother who was childless for over 15 years. By the time her mother gave birth to her, she was very comfortable and everything around the house was done by housemaids. Kanmi knew these before getting married to her and she still went on to marry her.
Kanmi is a perfectionist by nature; he is the type of man who wants everything done in to-to, and since he’s married a woman who is his complete opposite and he wants peace, he has to do most things by himself.
Kanmi’s duties sometimes include getting the kids ready for school, washing their clothes, checking their books and whenever they want a meal everyone can enjoy, the job is on Kanmi to prepare it. He doesn’t mind doing all these, as he has a job with flexible working hours. They have been married for over seven years, and they hardly quarrel. This is so because they have a mutual understanding of each other’s shortcomings, and are prepared to tolerate and stick together. Kanmi can rightly be referred to as a single father too.
These two examples are not typical of these two families alone, it happens all the time in different homes and either the husband or the wife is at the receiving end.
A lot of reasons may be responsible for the single married men/women syndrome and a lot of people are of the opinion that selfishness and gross irresponsibility are the most common.
This has to do with selfish habits or acts some men and women were used to when they were single but nobody paid attention to them because they could be excused because of their single status.
Mrs Cecilia Ojo, a teacher, recounted her sister-in-law’s experience, “some couple of months ago, I had to settle a big quarrel between my younger brother and his wife. Actually, it was my sister – in – law who reported my brother Biodun to me.
It happened that whenever Biodun came back from work and requested for his meal but the food wasn’t ready or there was no food at home, he would go out, buy a loaf of bread, sardine, satchet butter, boiled eggs and drinks for himself while his wife and children look on in anger while he eats his meal.
His wife stated that she had complained several times but he wouldn’t change. She came to speak with me when she couldn’t take it any longer.
Why would Biodun behave in such a manner.
I can remember that Biodun started this behavior while he was still young and he still took the habit into marriage, she stated.
“My husband feels what Biodun needs is a bit of maturity, but I say he is selfish,no matter the level of his maturity,he is still selfish, if he continues to think only about himself, his marriage cannot be peaceful,” Mrs Ojo said.
This takes us to the issue of married men and women who eat out to the detriment of home made food. This isn’t about selfishness, it is doing what is convenient for them. As a single man, for instance, it is more convenient for him to eat out rather than cooking at home.
However, a married man who eats out continuously when it’s neither office lunch or outing with friends can as well be single, especially if he doesn’t care what his family eats or survives on can as well be called a married single man.
Being responsible goes beyond leaving money for housekeeping at home, it includes being available at home even at meal times. There’s a form of bonding which comes with a man sharing a meal with his family.
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